My whole world? Well, my whole world is chaotic. So much so that if you didn’t know better, you’d think I thrived on it. I really don’t. Chaos is my arch-nemesis, really. See, I have a little issue with OCD (ok, a huge issue, sometimes, but my best friend helps me with it, forces me to overcome some of it, something I’ve never been able to do before). I’ve gotten a lot better about some things, really. But chaos..yeah. Chaos and OCD do NOT go well together at all.
I usually wake up in the morning with a million thoughts running through my mind. I spend some time on the phone (usually), some time lying in bed trying to just will myself to get up (sometimes it’s easier than others, honestly). And then the fun really starts. Once I get out of bed and find my motivation (sometimes it’s thrust upon me, rather than me finding it myself), the whirlwind starts. Between getting ready for work, getting to work, dealing with lots of craziness AT work, and then trying to unwind once I get back home, it’s just a mess. Sometimes I feel like my world is spiraling out of control, and I find that sometimes I depend heavily on my friend to keep me centered (perhaps I depend too much, maybe, and if so, I apologize).
Then, once I get home, get a few things done that I’ve been neglecting, or haven’t found time for, or suddenly realize are due (or..gasp.. overdue), I try to calm my mind enough to sleep. It doesn’t often work. I lay in bed for hours, usually, just willing my eyes to close. Willing my brain to shut off. Knowing that the next day will come soon, and the chaos will start all over again.
So, yes, my whole world can be a jumbled mess sometimes. But it’s mine, and I do the best I can. Sometimes my best isn’t good enough. Sometimes I falter. Sometimes I make mistakes. And sometimes I find myself digging myself into a deep, dark hole. But it’s my world, and I try my best to live in it. It’s not perfect. It’s not ideal. But.. it’s my world.
